It used to start in elementary school. During gym class, groups had to be made and preferably you were chosen first. Were you the last one left in the line? Then you were disappointed and felt like you didn't really belong. This went on for the rest of your life. Did your friends buy pants with wide legs? Then so did you. Did your friends let you go out until 2 a.m.? You wanted them to. Did you go to a party where the theme was "hawaii"? No way you'd show up in all-black clothes. And is the Dutch team playing in the World Cup finals? Then we'll all pull out en masse to party together. And although we all say we want to be ourselves and don't care what others think about us, secretly, deep down, this really isn't always the case. So too in the workplace. But where does this need to want to belong somewhere actually come from?
Where it all began...
Research shows that this need has a distant past. Thousands of years ago, people lived as hunters and gatherers where we needed others to survive. On your own you just didn't get there. Together you looked for food, shelter, warmth and safety. If you were alone, you could not survive in times of disease or scarcity. Besides, as a loner you were not strong enough when intruders came. You had to and would form bonds with other loners and so groups arose in which your chance of survival was much greater. And that's where it all began.
Wanting to belong in the workplace
Today, we still feel the immutable needs, for example, to form relationships with others in order to survive and, not unimportantly, to procreate. According to researcher Williams , people are therefore driven to fulfill four fundamental needs: the need to belong, the need for self-confidence, the need for control and the need for a meaningful existence. And the same is true in the workplace. Besides wanting to belong, belonging is often certainly useful. For example, you can use the knowledge of the group and belonging somewhere gives a sense of peace and security. You no longer feel alone and therefore it is easier to achieve common goals together.
Feedback and belonging
Feedback plays an important role in our desire to belong to something. In fact, attention and recognition are inseparable from this. We constantly want to hear if we are doing well. When you are told by someone that you are doing something well, it gives you a feeling of satisfaction. Employees get the feeling that they are contributing to the success of the organization and therefore the need to belong is fulfilled. Our tip: Start asking for feedback. Giving feedback is scary, especially if you're not used to it. We are afraid of being judged and therefore no longer belonging. This fear can be very easily eliminated by focusing on asking for feedback instead of giving feedback. The moment you start asking for feedback you open yourself up to the other person's feedback, and the other person can answer openly and honestly. In addition, you can choose what you ask the other person, when you do it and how you enter into the conversation about it. Much less exciting than giving (unsolicited) feedback!